Wonderland
by Dajypop
Summary: Lothering had been everything to the Hawkes, and now they were everything left of it.


**Title:** Wonderland  
 **Author:** Daisy  
 **Fandom:** Dragon Age  
 **Setting:** Lothering, Post-DAII  
 **Pairing:** Anders/Ethan Hawke, Anders/Karl Thekla, Malcolm Hawke/Leandra Hawke  
 **Characters:** Anders, Ethan Hawke, Carver Hawke, Bethany Hawke, Leandra Hawke, Malcolm Hawke, Gamlen Amell, Karl Thekla  
 **Genre:** Angst/Romance  
 **Rating:** T  
 **Chapters:** 1/1  
 **Word Count:** 1241  
 **Type of Work:** One-Shot  
 **Status:** Complete  
 **Warnings:** Canon Character Death, Warden!Carver, Depression, Angst  
 **Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.  
 **Summary:** Lothering had been everything to the Hawkes, and now they were everything left of it.

 **AN:** Well, had some feelings I needed to get out, and now that they're here, I feel a bit better. This was inspired by Wonderland by Ke$ha. Hope you guys enjoy!

 **Wonderland** ****

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He could remember the lake became a mirror at night, when the moon was high and the water black as the sky above. The smell of night blossoms was rich in the air, sweet and inviting with the scents of fresh cut wood, bathing the town in its essence. Even the wolves and bears were respectful of the dark, leaving the small group of teens and twenty-somethings to their lakeside bonfires with little complaint. Firelight cast odd shadows along the rocks and trees and dancing bodies, enjoying their freetime away from the constant work that Lothering expected of them.

The memories almost seemed distant and foggy, now, and Ethan Hawke had to shake his head, close his eyes, and sigh.

"I _know_ it's here, somewhere…" he groused, looking at the rocky road they traveled. He seemed to aim for curious, though his voice landed more in the realm of quiet panic. "I couldn't have lost it."

"Maybe it's-" Anderd didn't have the heart to finish that sentence, not with the younger mage looking so forlorn, "I'm sure you'll find it, Rosehip." If only Ethan had that much confidence in his bushwhacking skills. He did, however, grin when the rocks fell away to trees and the area came into view. He knew this road! That was good.

"Here it is! This is it." Because only one trail led to Lothering from here.

"Are you still sure you want to do this, love?" The elder chewed his lip nervously, looking at his lover slowly.

"I… I just need to see if it's still there." Ethan's torn expression nearly broke Anders' heart, and he couldn't have told the other 'no' now.

As they traveled by the milk light of moon, Ethan grew more antsy and excited the closer they got. Even Anders had never seen him so excited that he literally thrummed with energy, electricity leaving his fingertips as he buzzed forward. Of course, the second they broke out into the land that the other had been born on, everything seemed to fizzle out, and it was the slighter male's job to keep his lover from falling over.

"Ethan? Love? Are you okay?" he questioned, golden eyes wide as he watched the other mage, who steadied himself the best he could and nodded.

"Y-Yeah, I… I think I'm okay." He tried, licking his lips and rubbing his forehead. "Let's… just see if we can find my da-" The words lodged in his throat and he coughed a little, a sob following shortly after. "Let's see if we can find my dad's… grave."

The Darkspawn had done such a number on Lothering, it was barely recognizable, even to someone who had grown up there. What had once been small houses and the bar were nothing but scorch marks left in toxic sand. Even the bridge had been leveled, nothing but rubble over a brook that hadn't bubbled since before the village's inhabitants had been forced to flee. Stepping over stones was easy enough for the younger male, who helped his lover across and gave a sheepish smile as they continued to the ruined Chantry in search of the one thing that Ethan hoped wasn't destroyed.

"That's where our house was." The blond pointed, "...I think. If this is where the Chantry was." It had to be, right? This was where that wall was, and the field had been over there… The [ED: no cap] Imperial Highway still ran the right way… Shaken to the core, the younger mage had to force the quiver out of his voice, "And that means it should be back around here."

Walking past the blackened stone that had once held the entire town's hopes and dreams, the younger mage steeled himself for the chance that his father's grave had been desecrated, like everything else in town, chewing the inside of his cheek to keep the screaming in his head where it belonged. Rounding the corner, he held his breath as he stepped into the space used for burying the ashes of the deceased, and he was pleasantly surprised by what he saw.

"Ethan, it-" Anders' jaw seemed to have fallen to the floor, unable to finish his words as he watched the other shimmy under some rock, looking at the way the rubble had fallen to almost shelter this area. If he didn't think better of it, this was _just_ shy of being enough proof for Ethan to believe in the Maker again.

"It's safe." Aquamarine eyes filled and overflowed with tears, and he fell to his knees in front of a small pile of stones that he, Bethany, Carver, and his mother had painted all those years ago. The etchings stayed, best of all and he touched them gently before picking them up and cradling them to his chest. "They're all safe. We're all here."

Now, it almost broke the poor elder mage's heart, seeing the way his usually confident lover turned into as much a sad sap as he could be sometimes, but the clincher was the way that those eyes looked up, as if he were trying hard to believe his own words.

"Father won't be lonely, anymore. He hasn't been for a long time, I guess. It's just me and Carver, out here in the big world…" His voice cracked and dropped off, eyes falling to where he'd lovingly placed each stone back down. "I miss them. A lot. Bethany, mother… Father. Andraste's pyre, I even miss Carver and Gamlen."

"I think you know you've lost something if you're missing _Gamlen_ of all people. I'm sure he's fine, rats tend to sneak away and sprout back up when you least expect them. That's why I like to have a cat around, just in case." Anders tried for humor, but the sad tinge to his lover's smile only made it land somewhere in the realm of awkward.

"I'm sure they're alright… I just wish I could find… I don't know." Standing, dusting his knees, the younger mage drifted into his lover's arms and stayed there for quite a few minutes, eyes closed and tears dripping as he tensed his lids.

"Someday, when this war is over, when we aren't wanted in every city-state in the Free Marches, when the Chantry isn't looking for us, we can start our own family. I'm sure there will be more than our fair share of orphans… and definitely some mage-born children that will need good teachers." Kissing at the other's temples and petting calming fingers through his hair, the elder hummed softly. "Karl and I used to talk about breaking away from the Circles… and making a school for magic and the like that wouldn't only teach mages to control their abilities, but teach people who fear us that we aren't cursed. We're _not_." The tone was changing rapidly, a deeper voice was taking control, and Ethan could feel the licking, pin-prick essence of the fade crackling around them.

"Love, you're glowing again," he whispered, and it was enough to pull him back, for now.

"Right. Sorry, Rosehip. Let's just… get somewhere safe for tonight. I'll find a way to help you through this, even if I need to level all of Thedas to do it."

"Thanks." Though the thought of the school was something he was more willing to try rather than killing _everyone_. It was a nice gesture, though.

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 **AN:** Well, this wasn't supposed to end up quite so lengthy, but I suppose sometimes I just need to let things go how they want to. I hope to see you guys again soon!


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